Letting go

This is a post I’ve sat on for a few years…..I was sleepwalking through a minefield of emotional pain. Today I am free.

 

I’ve walked a lonesome valley. Heartbreaking. Soul-Crushing. Mind-Numbing. Then I remembered that I was not special or alone . I am nothing more than a bit of fluff drifting through time and space, a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things. I have been touched, and have touched in return. Touching is easy, the hard part is letting go.  I’ve held my breath long enough, I need to exhale. Today I let go. Exhale and release. You now belong to the ages.

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And more again…

Sometimes I wish weight loss could be just as easy as mail ordering some diet pills from Adipose
Industries, the creators of that legendary diet pill that literally melts off the pounds as you sleep. BAD idea. I have learned that alien tech is best left in the hand of professionals.
For well over a month I have been
engaged in a battle of my mind against my body. Do I need to exercise? YES. Do I want to? NO. I don’t seem to be able to follow through when I make big plans, so I must start small. Back to one day at a time.
I did a small workout today, not what I wanted but at least I kept it moving. Tomorrow will be better, especially when it becomes today.

90 Days Or Bust

This morning I woke up tired.  That’s nothing new, I do that pretty much every morning, but this morning I felt different about it.  I did so well with my weight loss efforts in 2011 but this year is nearly a quarter gone and I have nothing to show for it.  TODAY, I decided I needed to get back into the swing of things.  Back to basics, back to what works, back to dropping the extra pounds and gaining self-respect along with muscle tone.  I got on the scales and although I didn’t gain a lot of my weight back, I did gain 12 pounds of it back.  This is not acceptable to me.  The longer I hold on to this fat will be that much longer I’m unhealthy, so I started the X.

P90 X is BRUTAL!  I have done it in the past but without real commitment. This time I plan on focusing more of my energies on not just exercising, but also on proper nutrition.  I plan to BRING IT.  I honestly hate exercise though,  working out is a stone drag for me.  I’m gonna be brave and attempt two workouts each day.  I figure if it doesn’t kill me, it will definitely make me stronger.  Stronger is a good thing at my age.

I’ll do P90X lean in the mornings, and Esquire Series Aerobics (yeah, I said AEROBICS) in the evenings.  Tony Horton and Deborah Crocker are taskmasters!

I may add a third workout for afternoon if I can find something that’s light and if I can keep up the pace.  As a reward, I’m gonna give myself a dollar a pound, so by my goal date of  December 30th I should have 90 bucks to spend on something special for myself.

A picture Is Worth A Thousand Words…

It’s not so easy to move around if you’re weighed down by fat…

You Know the old saying?

“A picture is worth a thousand words”. Well here we go…

Cheers and here’s to Health.

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Wow, Really???

It’s a drag when your vehicle breaks down have to walk everywhere.  I enjoy walking, but shortcuts are great.   It’s after 9:30 pm, very cold and windy but the guy I’m married to, my daughter and I decide to walk from our apartment to the closest gas station to grab some munchies.   There are three ways to get there, the first being on the roadway, taking the sidewalk all the way.  The incline isn’t very steep but it’s too long to travel if you’re in a hurry (I was),  as it’s about 20 minutes (3700 feet) one way.  The second way is a well-worn path that shortens the trip by about 300 feet or so but it has a very steep, almost vertical hill.  I’ve seen 10-year-old kids have to stop to rest halfway up, so that was out of the question!  The last path saves about 700 feet but takes us through a newer residential section complete with cookie-cutter houses, dogs in the yard and 1.3 children per household.  This particular path, although not as worn,  happens to cut through an empty, undeveloped lot, with inhabited houses on both sides.  As my family and I approached the lot, a man who seemed to be in his mid to late 30’s stepped from his vehicle to ask  what we were doing.  I said hello and told him where we were heading, and that’s when he informed us that the empty lot was private property.  Fair enough.  I assumed since there was no house built there that no one owned it and I said as much.  He was kind enough not only to tell us that he owned it, but also the empty lot on the other side of his house as well! We had his permission to travel the path this time but never again after that.   Note to self ……I must pay closer attention so I don’t miss invisible “No Trespassing/Private Property” signs.

Rediscovery

Often life gets in the way of living. You end up blind to the obvious. Many thanks to Emily Dolenz for helping me see that sometimes, an old dog just needs a refresher course on a previously mastered trick.

When I was young, I used to write poetry.
It helped me see my world in a different light, but as days turned into years I became a girl interrupted. Those times are now past. I’m not the person I was long ago, but I can still write.

DARKNESS

I wake up in darkness.
I get dressed in darkness.
Prevented from fully accomplishing my goals.
When nightfall comes, my tears fall,
and I retire in darkness.

You can check out Emily’s work at http://www.emilydolenz.com

My beloved David Thomas Jones passed away today…..

Today I am a widow. I was not his wife in the biblical sense, he had a Mrs Jones. I am a widow in the fact that one day I KNEW he would belong to me. It mattered not if he was toothless, drooling, wheelchair bound and wearing a diaper. I wanted to be his Buddy Rogers with him as my Mary Pickford. I loved him. Actually, to say I loved him would be an understatement.

There are no words to express the level of grief and heaviness on my heart. For most of my life, Davy has been my constant. His voice has been the soundtrack to my life, his laughter…..salve to my soul. Whenever things would be dark in my life, he was a beacon of light. Just one smile of his would make me feel closer to fine. Davy was the yardstick in which I measured all men I came in contact with over the years. No one ever came close.

I was privileged to meet him and see him in concert as a solo artist and with The Monkees many times over the years. The last performance I attended was June 25th in Cincinnati, Ohio, and it was phenomenal. As always.

The world at large is mourning the loss of Davy Jones the Celebrity. I, along with his family, am mourning Davy Jones the MAN. The kind man who would go out of his way to help a neighbor or friend. The loving father and grandfather who made sure his family knew they were loved. The gentle man who wasn’t afraid to show his emotions.

My deepest condolences to Lynda, Beryl, Hazel, Talia, Sarah, Jessica, Annabel and the rest of his extended family. And also to you, the other Mrs. Jones.

LOVE STILL ABIDES

HE HAS GONE BEYOND THE RANGE OF SIGHT

INTO THE GLORY OF THE MORNING LIGHT

OUT OF THE REACH OF SORROW AND DESPAIR

SAFE IN THE SHELTER OF OUR FATHER’S CARE

WEEP NOT FOR HIM, SAY NOT HE IS DEAD

FOR HE HAS GONE ON A FEW STEPS AHEAD

FAITH LOOKS BEYOND THIS TIME OF GRIEF AND PAIN

LOVE STILL ABIDES AND WE SHALL MEET AGAIN.

30 December 1945 – 29 February 2012